This is not a nasty post. It is a post about the passions of an adoptive Mother and the myths and words that drive me a little nuts. If you are a friend, acquaintance, or family who have said one of the following words/statements...please, don't take the following personally. Also, I don't remember. Honestly, I don't remember who has said this to me. Most of the time these things are said by strangers...making it just that much more annoying. Seriously, why do strangers think it is ok to ask some of the questions they ask and say some of the things they say? Seriously. Like, why is it ok, while we are having a family day at the Art Hop to stop me and ask me about my daughter's health issues when she came home. Seriously?
#1. Heard way too often, "Awww, what you did...adopting...is amazing." Mezmur was not rescued. We did not ride into Ethiopia and rescue our daughter from the dragons of Ethiopia. She is the blessing upon us. When we were hitting our low of not being able to get pregnant again it was adoption that rescued us. I remember our very first conversation about adoption..."I think we should adopt now." We had planned to adopt, so the transition was an easy one. Ethiopia was the obvious choice for us too. We were always drawn to Africa. We knew one day we would adopt and it would be from Africa. We also knew personally of someone who had adopted a sweet girl from Ethiopia (Hello Figlette!). As soon as we did a little research we knew our second child would be from Ethiopia. Ethiopia, home of 5,000,000 orphans. So, no it isn't us who did the amazing thing. Truthfully, it was Mezmur's Enat (Mother in Amharic). The woman who knew that if she could make that gut wrenching choice, her daughter could find life. The daughter who would become our blessing.
#2. Often heard, "Will you try again for another one of your own?" Mezmur is "our own." We have one biological and one adopted, but two that are our own. I know this is a tough one for others. I understand the thought of...born from you = your own. I even have slipped and said, "their own." (I was very disturbed by this slip...I must say.) I cringe every time someone asks me this. (Strangers! Seriously?) How do I respond? Why, because we have adopted, is it ok for so many people to ask us if I plan on getting pregnant with "one of our own?" No one ever asked me at the grocery store when I was with Rhett, before Mezmur was home, if I plan on having another "one of our own."
#3. Ugh..."Ha, now you will get pregnant easy since you have adopted...(followed by laughter)." This is just one more uncomfortable thing people tell someone who has adopted. Again, this is a tough one...the myth that you will get pregnant easily after adoption. Did you know this was a myth? A woman is just as likely to get pregnant whether they have adopted or not. Why is this annoying to an adoptive Mother? Well, we chose to adopt. Getting pregnant would be a blessing, but adoption was not our second choice. It was our first choice. Yes, we tried to get pregnant before we chose to adopt, but this doesn't make it our second choice. Our "first choice" was having another child...by any means. Adoption happened to be the way our second child came to us. Adoption wasn't a choice to assure a quick pregnancy for us...like the myth states.
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not uptight. I take most things people say with a grain of salt, but when strangers approach me in the grocery store with some of these statements it takes all I have not to go a little nuts. So, thanks once again, for the venue where I could vent a little...I feel better.