Monday, November 9, 2009

The Wrong Call

Here's the story. The call that happened a year ago that devastated us. The call I still think about.

Let me preface this story by saying two things. First, Mezmur was meant for us. She is such a perfect match for our family that it is eerie at times. We were also meant for her. Not a lot of parents would have the patience for her antics like we do. I'm serious, she is crazy. Second, it's the nature of adoption. If our paperwork was in 2 days, 3 days, or one week earlier our daughter wouldn't have been Mezmur. It is so weird to think about.

What happened devastated us so much at the time. It made me question so many things. I didn't make it public, because it was personal and I didn't want to "hurt" our agency or our adoption. Today, I just feel like I want to write it down and get it off my chest.

Exactly one week before we got "the call" for Mezmur we got another call. A call for a baby boy. She got us both on the phone. I was crying, shaking, and couldn't wait for the news. This was the call I had waited so long for. The call I had daydreamed about. When she said "boy" I said, "Well, I guess Dan and I have something to talk about." It was like I birthed a boy. I couldn't push him back. Once she realized the mistake and we realized the reality of adoption she said good-bye and called another family immediately after hanging up the phone with us. The reality of adoption is that if you request a sex and age (for us a girl 0-14 months) that is what you are approved for. You can change this, but it would mean redoing some paperwork and getting approval of the change. I do believe our agency handled it poorly by immediately referring that baby boy out to another family before talking to us once more. Before making sure we were ok. I'm not sure we would have changed our paperwork, but knowing she hung up the phone while I sat there in shock and called another family for the same baby boy just didn't sit well with me.

I want to say, that I believe there is no agency that is free from mistakes of any kind. I also am so thankful for our agency for bringing us our daughter. I also feel as though our agency is one of the most ethical agencies working in Ethiopia right now. For all these reasons...I would use them again.


gigglechirp said...

It is a wild ride. I can relate to very much of your post. I can't share more detail of why yet, but I want to say thanks for sharing.

On our first and now second adoption, I have had moments of knowing it will work out and trusting there is some divine plan, yet I do not feel that the belief means we cannot push for better practices, feel the outrage, and more.

Even though this road led you to your little beauty and in many ways the pain dissipates, there are still moments where the memory brings back a lot of hurt. It is all so real.


lori said...

Hi Autumn!

I'm glad you chose to write about this moment. How disjointed you must've felt for days and days after that call.

And I'm glader than glad you have Mezmur. I imagine it to be the same with any of our children: after some time, you can't imagine them not being part of your life and vice versa. It doesn't seem RIGHT to not be together.

I have a tendency to drive myself crazy with what if scenarios. For example, meeting my husband was such a wacky situation - if ANY little thing had been different, then EVERY little thing would be different.

I think it's preposterous, this idea that God's perfect timing means a concrete, one way outcome with limited interference or input from us. This world is a crazy kind of dance, and we're all partners with God on some colorful level.

P.S. Tell us about some of Mezmur's crazy moments!

Alida said...

Autumn, thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so sorry this has happened to you .... how devastating it must've been at time. Life is so crazy with all it's twists and turns and only God knows if it all is a chance or HIS will .... to me, it's easier to think that it is all HIS will. I agree, it was quite tactless and insensitive the way this was handled.

Tegan, Gregory and Maiya said...

Autumn, I really appreciate you sharing. This process is bumpy at best and especially with the emotions being so strong through it all. I can't imagine that moment for you and your family.
Thank you for sharing.

Tegan, Gregory and Maiya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christine said...

Autumn, I admire your benevolence. My first feeling was just that sense of injustice. Making sure you were okay was so very important. Thank you for sharing this story.

dad-gramps said...

This story is amazing and how you were able to work through it at the time just shed more light on your strength and understanding. I know because I was there. There are moments that define periods in your life and where those moments take you and it's the flow of faithful emotion that is the guide at those moments. What a journey in gaining the child that was meant for your family. Again it was all apart of that journey of love and faith. You were able to put everything else behind what has the most power. See you soon. . . Love ME

Cloverland Farm said...

yikes. that is so tough. thanks for sharing that. you are quite gracious.

Stacie said...

Wow. Just wow. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and I agree - there should have been more discussion with you before referring the little boy to another family. You have quite a well of strength in your family to have gone through this.