Saturday, January 8, 2011

A Little Reflection on Adoption and Pregnancy

Bare belly at 28 1/2 weeks.
When I first got pregnant I had a twinge of guilt. Guilt, because we most likely won't be adopting again. We were going to adopt again if we continued to have a hard time getting pregnant, but after another year and a half...we got pregnant.

I quickly realized that I cannot feel guilty that we got pregnant. I cannot put that guilt onto our baby. I cannot feel guilt that we were blessed with this baby. We are so very blessed.

We never approached adoption as "saving an orphan," as a good deed, or for religious reasons. We simply wanted another baby, found the need, and a program that was fairly quick and straight forward. We cannot solve the orphan crisis in the world and don't presume we can by adopting more children. Ethiopia is in our hearts and the orphans of the world are constantly on our minds.

The guilt I felt in the beginning was not for the orphans of the world, but for Mezmur. Guilt that Mezmur will not have a brother or sister that looks like her. Cheese ball as it may sound...she already has brothers and sisters that look like her. We have friends who have adopted from Ethiopia...lots of them (Yes, I know, we are so popular). Mezmur sees these friends regularly. Some live a mile away and some live out of state. They will be in her life forever. They are family. They are her brothers and sisters. I told you...cheese ball.

With all that said...ask me again in a few years if we are going to adopt again. One never really knows what the future holds. Again, cheese ball.


Rachel @ Lautaret Bohemiet said...

You have the most gloriously awesome pregnant belly I have ever seen in my entire life. I can't wait to see it at 40 weeks. Holy smokes.

And I understand your guilt too. I felt that small twinge when we got pregnant with Bennettt. We were on the track towards adoption, and that obviously was stalled. It's still in my heart and mind, but we'll have to wait and see how it will unfold.

But this baby was given to you by God. Don't feel guilt for another single second. Mezmur is going to love on this little on and this little one will love on her and Rhett, and you will have the most beautiful family in the world.

Jill said...

I love it (and I really needed this post). I am constantly wracked with guilt that Mari is an only child and that, while I hoped to have already started the adoption journey again, there may never be a time when I can afford another adoption. We are blessed by so much "family" - close by and far away that I need to start focusing on what I can give her - access to that extended family - and not what I can't.

Stacie said...

I love your baby belly! You're adorable. And, I understand what you are saying about the guilt, even having two babes who look alike. I have guilt because we adopted an infant again. And, it's not because I want to *save* anyone, but I feel this need to adopt an older child that just won't go away. That being said, I really think we're finished. But, what you said about the future? I'll cheeseball it up with you on that - you really never know!

Gretchen said...

This is a great post, Autumn. And like Rachel said, I can't wait to see that belly at 40 weeks. Amazing.

annieglan said...

I hear you. When we were placed with Lou I told our agency that we only wanted a biracial or AA boy next and when we were placed with a caucasian baby I felt bad. But I will not accept another referral if they don't have darker skin. It's hard because you don't want anyone to feel left out or different, especially your child. But a child is a child and so exciting no matter what.

Christi said...

Why does guilt seem to find it's way into every circumstance when it comes to our kids?

I love you, my cheese ball friend!

Kristin said...


Lori said...

I can't wait to meet and love this little one. Your comment today to my post made me tear up and look even more forward to next year's meal in January, with the two new kids. I hadn't thought of it that way until you wrote it. Love you. Very lucky you're my friend.

April said...

Wow- you look GREAT! Also- I'm so happy Z has Mez. XO

Duncan said...

Guilt. . . a dirty five letter word. Each step of the way has brought you to where you are now. What a gift, "cheese balls" and all. I wonder where those "cheese balls" came from?? Love you, your baby-grandchild-belly our grandchildren and Dan. A family growing by the day, you are right, moving forward will move that guilt were it belongs. . . behind you. Take care of yourself and keep that belly lotioned! Love Dad

rachel said...

we have similar concerns. we're contemplating having one more bio but are concerned about how it might make E feel. at this point it's on our radar to adopt later, a slightly older child (5-7ish) when our kids are all older.

i'm a doula and had meant to comment on a previous post about birth. with my son jude, i had the whole cycle of interventions thing which ended in 3 hours of pushing with almost no progress, and finally a forceps delivery that took at least a year to recover from. with my daughter indigo, i had an unmedicated birth with a midwife, pushing out my 8 lb 7 oz baby in 10 minutes. even if your baby is bigger you can still do it. if you are concerned about the baby's size, i've read to keep protein intake around 75-85g/day. i know women who follow the Bradley diet (which recommends 100g of protein/day) tend to have large babies. i also found the books The Natural Pregnancy Book by Aviva Romm and Birthing from Within as well as Earth Mama Angel Baby's Natural Labor Companion (CD) to be invaluable. The latter is actually a form of hypnosis which helped me work through the fear of my 1st birth experience.


The Lady of the House said...

I can across your blog from Tip Junkie (pacman party - brilliant)!
I just have to say that your belly is beautiful and makes me feel normal b/c mine is the same! I'm due in April with a girl after three boys.
We are lucky to have our children, no matter when/where/who they came from, right? And Mezmur and Rhett will remind you of that every day when they love on this new sibling!
You won't have time for guilt when you have three =)
Be well,